That’s one nightmare we can all live without but if The Zombie Rights Campaign secures their aspirations, Zombies will be a protected race and have rights like you and me!
They call us “bigots”, “rednecks” and “gun nuts”? How preposterous of you, creators of an ineffectual and narcissistic brotherhood. Have you taken a look in the mirror to sum up the silliness and ignorance you’re trying to pontificate, oh Mr. John-Zombie-Lover- Extraordinaire? Do you really think it smart of you or your organization to push rights for brain slurping, diseased, baby-killers that have zero prejudices when it comes to children, women and the elderly? Who are you going to call, when your pet Zombie turns on you and clamps his foul smelling mouth on your face, tearing the very flesh that smiled ever-so-sweetly upon him, while he devours you alive? Uhmm?
We here at Zombie Industries will put fourth every effort in our power to prime this great nation and those allied countries that stand among us, from any and every Zombie terrorist seeking out the flesh of our families. Across the globe, we will groom the true believers of the impending apocalypse, and stand behind each one of you to secure your rights to live safely in your neighborhoods, to obtain refuge in every place of worship and ultimately, allow our children to grow-up without fear and have the opportunity to run freely across Pacific Playland of the West, without being accosted by the decaying murderess flesh of a Zombie.
Listen here Mr. John of The Zombie Rights Campaign; put our number on speed-dial, 858-386-0950, because from the sound of it, your family’s gonna need us. Oh, and if you can’t protect little John and wifey from Mr. Ole Zed whose dead, I’m sure one of our rednecks can do the job.